when the roll hits the tree
you wonder what its for, yeah you wonder what it's for
when this poop hits your fan
you wonder if it's right or wrong
but you stand on their lawn
dressed in your black on black
and as you take another throw, you know
it really doesn't matter

tp's not a crime, no tp's not a crime
it doesn't cost a dime, and it's more fun than masturbation
tp's not a crime, hey! tp's not a crime
but if your dad found out, he'd fill you full of lime

your neighbors think you're a nice guy
but they don't know your secret
that you're the one who decorates their lawn each christmas
and you're the one that's seen what they watch on latenite tv

tp's not a crime, no tp's not a crime
it doesn't cost a dime, and it's more fun than masturbation
tp's not a crime, hey! tp's not a crime
but if your dad found out, he'd fill you full of lime

one more night is done
and before as your neighbors wake up for their funny papers and coffee
they'll know you left them another present
a little piece of art for them to enjoy
and remember this, next time you catch a kid on your lawn
that when you were his age, you did it too

tp's not a crime, no tp's not a crime
it doesn't cost a dime, and it's more fun than masturbation
tp's not a crime, hey! tp's not a crime
but if your dad found out, he'd fill you full of lime